I think the biggest discovery I made during this project is how “fluid” life is. Reflecting on my story, I had several moments thinking “Oh, maybe I’d put that differently now” or “Well, that turned out otherwise”. It is not that the text I am saying in our show is untrue, but as time passes it is interesting to compare where I was then and where I am now, as the text is the same, but I continue to develop.
I also found out many things about theatrical work that I would not have found out otherwise – whether it be lighting or sound work or even just coexisting in such an artistically charged place as a theatre.
I learned that I am able to be vulnerable. I learned that simplicity can lead to big things. And I learned that I can do a lot more than I previously thought.
The biggest discoveries happened to me while “working on the grid”. There I have discovered that something always happens when we remain still for a while and begin to perceive ourselves, each other, and the space we are in. Instead of increasing the number and intensity of external stimuli, it is enough for us to increase our own sensitivity to what is happening. In this case we do not have to create anything artificially to increase its strength – we only need to perceive and take from what is already existent. This discovery was a great relief for me personally. I try to do it now in real life. The hardest thing is to hold on to that “point zero” and actively wait, believing that something will really happen. But it works! It somehow became my personal training of confidence in the world. It especially helps me when my brain starts inventing catastrophic scenarios and getting anxious.
I think that the “grid” should be taught to children in gymnastics, instead of racing to achieve some performance.
I have always been into art and tried several things in that field. I never imagined that a genre called documentary theatre exists or, even crazier, the possibility of being involved in it. Theatre for me was exclusive to actors or to people trained it that way – professionals. Thanks to the experience of working in Those Who Speak for Themselves, I discovered that it does not have to be like that. That art can (and should) be open to all people who are interested in it. This openness brings fresh air to the creative process, which I think is crucial. Through the work on the show, I have discovered sides of myself that were somehow hidden. I sort of knew of their existence but had no clue how to use them, how to bring them into the light. This experience also opened my mind in terms of awareness of myself and my surroundings. Jana and her team showed us ways of expressing ourselves, they gave us tools and let us play.